But, honestly {{Angel Potter}}

[calcetines]

Dear Diary,

Life has been very difficult lately. It has only been three days since my father threw me out of the house. I have no idea what I am going to do with myself. I am really scared now. I am to have twin boys, and I have no idea as to how I will possibly be able to provide for them and myself on a barista's wages. I do not want anybody to help me, nor will I accept charity or sympathy. In a way, this is my fault for everything happening. These children are my consequences to carry.

Although, I have to admit that this is anything but easy. I vomit throughout the day and have cravings for the strangest of things. Who could have known that two babies no larger than the size of a Galleon could cause so much trouble already? I have put on some weight, it has become difficult to fit into my clothes. I had to charm a few things to make them fit, as I really don't have the spare money to purchase new clothes. I am saving every Knut I get these days, I want my little boys to grow up in a good home, not some bottom-of-the-barrel shanty.

I feel a sudden awareness of everything that I do now. It has become a lot more real the past few days, I believe that I have finally come to accept the fact that I have two tiny babies developing inside of me, it gives me a strange sense of power. Or perhaps that is just the plethora of hormones I go through. I have more than enough for about eight people right now. I don't see how my father could stand it when my mother was pregnant. I have a tendency to lash out if I am only a little angry, or cry over petty things.

I do not feel beautiful anymore. "Pregnancy glow," when the hell did that ever exist? I am exhausted, moody and am in considerable pain, they are stretching me to the limit already, and they aren't even all that big yet. I have no idea what I am going to do come August... I am so afraid, everything is out of my power. I no longer know what my limits are, I cannot control anything. Whoever may be up there, please help me.

~Angel

[calcetines]

Dear Diary,

I leased a flat in muggle London. It has two bedrooms, so I think that I will convert the second into a nursery for the boys. I ought to stop calling them that, since they obviously can't be called "the boys" for their entire lives. I do not know what to name them. Perhaps I will go through my books and pick out some names that I like. I do know that I want to middle-name my boys after Isaac and Blaize, they are close to me.

They grow constantly, I do not think that there will be enough room for the both of them if they get too big. But then again, I suppose that there are women in the world that have quintuplets. I'm glad that I am only having twins at the moment. Imagine having five all at once, it must not be enjoyable.

I am scared. There is no other term for how I feel. What if I am not able to get enough money? What if I fail to meet rent and get evicted? But there isn't anything that I can do, except for try as hard as I can. Come tomorrow, I want to go to Diagon Alley and see if I can apply as a wand-maker at Ollivander's without a complete education. Still I wonder if I have made the correct choice in leaving school to make it on my own. But I do not want my boys (I really need to figure out names) to live off of charity or the generosity of others.

I want to provide for them myself, in a way, it would give me a sense of self-satisfaction. I have had all odds against me, Wolfgang broke ties with me, my parents threw me out, everyone is disappointed in me. I want to show them that I can do it, that I don't need them. One day, they will see. I hope.

~Angel

[calcetines]

Dear Diary,

I swear they are trying to stretch me until I burst. I am really stressed from working two jobs, I am so exhausted all the time- In a way, I am sort of happy that i no longer have to worry about school with all the extra work I'm doing. but at the moment, I am too tired to continue writing.

~Angel

[calcetines]

Dear Diary,

I think that I was just imagining the stress the last time I wrote. As of now, work is going well. I am getting more than enough for rent and food so far. It is just tedious to have to go to Gringotts every time I get a pay check to exchange my galleons and sickles for pounds and pence. Knuts do not transfer to muggle money, unless you have enough to make a sickle.

I just hope that it will be enough to feed my boys (I have decided to name one of them Hyperion, I still have to figure out another first name) when they are born. But I suppose that I will breast feed them until they can eat solid foods, so that shouldn't be a problem straightaway. I am still as scared as ever, but I think that I will be able to handle this. Somehow.

~Angel

[calcetines]

Dear Diary,

My clothes are no longer fitting properly, I have to magically adjust all of my pants now, so that I am able to fit into them. It's frightening how fast they're growing now. But there isn't any turning back at this point. I will have two boys somewhere between the end of August and the end of September. I just have to get over it now. I am making enough to support myself for a little while. There is always the money that Isaac forced me to take if I need something to fall back on. I still feel guilty about it though. I counted it last night and there is a hundred-thousand galleons in it!

The goblin at Gringotts today looked at me strangely when he deposited it into my vault, as it just kept pouring out of the enchanted sack for nearly two minutes. I shall have to repay him somehow. But it is comforting to know that I have financial support if I should find myself out of work. But I am not going to use it unless it becomes absolutely necessary. I have figured out first names for my boys. I shall name them Hyperion and Leviticus. I think that they are a bit old-ashioned, which is why I feel so attracted to them. Now is the immensely difficult task of middle names. Dear.

~Angel

[calcetines]

Dear Diary,

My job at Ollivander's has been going extremely well, although there hasn't really been a ton of business. One of my coworkers, Beatrice, says that this is always the slow time of year, and that things pick up around mid summer. I don't mind that at all, it means less time manning the register and more time wand-making.

I really hate my job at the Three Broomsticks, though. Last week I was only two hours short of having full-time hours, although it was only supposed to be a part-time job. I think it was because we had two people leave. One of them retired (he had been working there since his teen years), and the other quit. Horrible timing for Isaac and myself. We seem to be in that place more than we're out of it.

But at least it's somewhat fun to spend an entire shift with him. He's one of my best friends. I am considerably exhausted all of the time, it's hard working two jobs at once when you're pregnant with twins. For once I am glad that I'm no longer in school. Imagine having to study on top of all of this!

~Angel

[calcetines]

Dear Diary,

I have changed my mind again as to what I'm going to name my boys. One will be Isaiah Blaize, and the other will be Morgayne Isaac. I think that they are a bit more sensible, though still slightly old fashioned. After all, I don't want them to be teased throughout their lives for having medieval-sounding names. I decided to middle-name them after Blaize and Isaac because they truly are some of my closest friends. Just the other day I got a letter from Blaize, saying that he was concerned because an assistant manager at Ollivander's was kidnapped.

He really is a sweet boy. He is going to make a girl very happy someday. As for now, I'm off to bed, I have to start bright and early tomorrow morning, opening shift at Ollivanders and the Three Broomsticks.

~Angel

[calcetines]

Dear Diary,

In the little spare time I have, I am incessantly poring over books on pregnancy and babies. There is just so much to learn about them! I'm scared to go this alone. All the things you have to do for one baby will be multiplied by two for me. After a bit of research, I have decided to do completely natural childbirth. It sounds painful, but I think that it is the best for Isaiah and Morgayne. I have also decided that when they are young I will teach them French and Elven.

I have done some research on the brain of a young child, and between eight months and two years is the best time to teach them if you want them to be multilingual. It is so exciting, I think them knowing multiple languages will really help them in this world, even if Elven is relatively useless. I'm sure that there will be some use of it in their lives at one point...

Now I have found a new love. His name is Bradly Ressel, and he is the seeker for Puddlemere United, and he works at the Sun Dance Cafe. I don't know why I accepted to be his girlfriend, as I still have a bit of feeling left for Wolfgang, but I love Bradly too. I'm just so confused. I just need to detach myself from Wolfgang. He abandoned me in my time of need. He doesn't love me, he might never have loved me in the first place. I am with Bradly now.

Bradly treats me more precious than diamonds, he is truly the sweetest thing ever. He makes me feel as if there aren't any problems in the world, and he's always there for me when I cry, for whatever reason. If things don't work out between us (I sincerely hope that they do), he will make a girl really happy. It is late, and I had best be turning in. I have opening shift at the Three Broomsticks... Again.

~Angel

[calcetines]

Dear Diary,

I miss my mum. I will probably look back on this later and hardly be able to read this as my pen is running low on ink. As for why I have not replaced it... I suppose procrastination or laziness might be an answer to this riddle. I guess that I have a medical reason for it, the healer told me that he would put me on strict bed rest if I did not allow myself enough rest during the day. Oh, where's my wand...

There, that's better, I fixed my pen so my writing is actually legible. Safira wrote me the other day, saying that she and Gabriella were giving me a baby shower and sent the date. I do not know what I would do without the both of them, I nearly cried from happiness. My friends are all I have left now, as my family does not want me anymore. Well, I cannot say that for sure about my mother, but I sure as hell know that my father never wants to see me again.

I suppose that I can live with that, after the way he treated me, I do not think that I want to see him again either. I think that I will at least invite my mum to the baby shower, even if she doesn't come, I still want her to know that I love her. I think that is enough writing for tonight, I think I shall try and find something worth watching on the telly, that's right! I never mentioned that I bought a used one at a thrift store for ten pounds. I only get local channels since I cannot afford cable, but it keeps me entertained. Farewell for now!

~Angel

[calcetines]

Dear Diary,

Well, I am no longer employed. I guess that isn't completely true, since I still have my job at Ollivander's, but I have been placed on moderate bed rest/maternity leave until Isaiah and Morgayne are born. It's sort of a relief to wake up in the morning whenever I please, and not have a thing to do except feed myself and rest. I am anxious about the money, but Bradly has made me promise to let him take care of things. It takes an enormous weight off my shoulders, but I'm anxious about letting him.

On the topic of Bradly, I miss him terribly. Because the Quidditch season has started again, he's been traveling to matches abroad a lot. I cannot wait until he has a home game, then I might be able to go and watch, plus I will get to see him until he has to leave again. It's hard on me with him being gone all the time, I get lonely lying around all day, either watching the limited cable on television or listening to the wizard wireless. Sure, Gabby comes on Sundays, but other than that, I'm alone. I suppose in a few months that will change...

~Angel

[calcetines]

Dear Diary,

I miss Bradly terribly. I'm sick of being by myself. But at the same time, it gives me the opportunity to do things that I normally would not have time for. After near-religious watching of the craft channel (one of ten I get on my television, one of seven that come in clearly) I have become quite the prolific knitter. I'm working on a thin summer blanket for my bed, hands only, strictly no magic. Sure, with a simple spell I could enchant the needles to do it for me, but knitting gives me an activity to do with my hands and to keep me occupied during the long hours I'm stuck at home.

I've also taken up writing again, an old hobby of mine, but one that I had completely lost track of in the hustle and bustle of my hectic life. But now that I literally don't have anything to do from the time I wake up to the time I go to sleep, I can work on that as well. I don't think I'm all that good at it, but writing has provided me with an escape from beyond the confines of the tiny flat, I can go on wild adventures without even leaving the couch (not to mention risking Isaiah and Morgayne's safety). On days when I know Puddlemere United has a match I'll tune my Wizard Wireless to the station, it's as close as I can get to being there.

Last week they defeated the Madrid Crusaders in a near split-second victory, it was quite thrilling, but I could hardly show my enthusiasm. Around that time a good friend of mine, Raychel McFarland, stopped by for a visit with terrible news and quite a heavy burden on her shoulders. Both her parents were found dead in their home and murder by dark wizards or witches unknown is a possibility. I can hardly imagine what it would be like to get that life-changing information in a highly impersonal letter. In a way, I can sort of relate, I haven't talked to either of my parents since my father kicked me out in February. It's as if they're dead.

I did send the invitation to my baby shower to my mother though, I still haven't got a reply. I hope she'll come, as I do miss her most of all. She doesn't have to bring me a gift, or even say anything to me, just stop by and give me a smile. I need to know that she still cares about me, it feels as if only a few people do these days. My brain has briefly entertained the idea of getting a roommate so I won't be so lonely, but I know there's no way that will work, as I need the spare bedroom in this flat to use for a nursery (and eventual bedroom) for Isaiah and Morgayne.

Moving onto something entirely different, I have read about a thing called "free birthing," and I have decided that I am going to do that. I do not want my sons to be born in a hospital, I will give birth to them here, where they will grow up, not some alien world of the medical industry. Of course, I will have a midwife present, just in case if something were to go wrong, but it just seems like the right thing to do. Well, I'm very tired, I think I'll go and take a nap to some cheesy soap opera that's on.

~Angel

[calcetines]

Dear Diary,

There has been a mass break-out at Azkaban, needless to say, everyone in the Order is concerned. I have been hidden away because of my status as the only wand-maker in the United Kingdom, so they will not be able to come after me to replace their wands. I'm not allowed to say where I am right now because of the protective spells on the place, Liam is the secret-keeper, only he can say or write where the place is or what it's called. Mr. and Mrs. O'Malley (meaning Liam's parents, Cici's in-laws) are very kind people. I try to do what I can around the house to help out.

Oftentimes Mrs. O'Malley insists that I sit and rest, doing all the work by herself. She really is a cute little old woman. Mr. O'Malley is quiet, he doesn't really say much, but that's okay. I've been staying here with Cici as well, she had been concealed because she as well is pregnant. Of course, mummies-to-be as we are, we spent a lot of time discussing names. I told her about Isaiah Blaize and Morgayne Isaac, and then she told me that if they were to have a boy he would be Carlyle Liam, a girl Avice Leah. I never before have seen Cici so excited, obviously both she and Liam are as excited to have a child as I am.

~Angel

[calcetines]

Dear Diary,

A lot has happened recently. Isaac and Gabriella got married last week, their nighttime wedding at the Hogwarts garden was absolutely beautiful, even if my ankles and back were killing me by the end of it- they always do anyways. But I didn't have too long to be happy about it, a few days later Wolfgang was killed by Isabelle, Carrietta (a fellow Order member) came across him moment before he died, and she informed me that his dying wish was for me to know that he was sorry.

I feel terribly about it, I know that he tried to apologize several times before but I wouldn't listen. If there is any way for him to find out, I do hope that he knows I have accepted his apology, and that I hope that he is in a better place now. But now things have gotten even worse, my cousin Emily committed suicide only yesterday, I just got news from Liam about an hour ago. I wish that I would have done more to help, she had the world open to her, but the pain of her virginity being forcibly taken must have been too much for her.

And at the wedding I heard news of James and Eva being attacked by Death Eaters from Alex, needless to say I worry about them all the time. Apparently they're both recovering, but still bed-bound. I wish that I could see them, but as it is I cannot risk another outing beyond the boundaries of where I am; plus, I don't think that my father would let me come near the house with a twenty-foot broomstick. I can only hope and pray that the Death Eaters don't go after Alex next, she can't defend herself the way James and Eva can.

I'm terribly uncomfortable and emotionally distraught, can't anything be simple anymore? I wish I could just go back to my fifth year, where everyone was doing just fine and my biggest worries were how on earth would I be able to get all my homework done on time. But it's foolish to dream of these things, it just won't happen.

~Angel

[calcetines]

Dear Diary,

Goodness I have not written in a long time, it's November now, and I am the mother of two month old twins. Isaiah Blaize and Morgayne Isaac were born on the tenth of September; Isaiah at 2:34 pm, Morgayne at 2:58 pm. They're healthy and developing normally, though I as their mother am not faring as well. Sleep deprivation has definitely caught up to me, I'm constantly exhausted, using my time-turner to be both at home and at work doesn't help my energy level, either. But at least now I don't suffer from never-ending boredom, I have two infants to keep up with.

Needless to say, nap time is now my favourite time of the day. The twins take several, but they have a more lengthly one early in the afternoon. I have no idea what I am going to do as they get older, surely they will tear the flat to pieces. At least they're generally calm, I suppose it comes from my nature and Wolfgang's. I'm not terribly out there, and neither was he.

Dear, I'm still incredibly conflicted about everything that's been going on, though I do not have a ton of time to fret about things. I have to raise Morgayne and Isaiah singlehandedly, as well as keep up with a full time job. But I still cannot help my mind wandering to those heart-wrenching topics if I have a moment to think to myself. I should have listened to Wolfgang, instead of shoving him away any time he got within my line of vision. If I could have gotten over my bitterness for fifteen seconds... He might not still be alive, but at least I wouldn't have this terribly heavy conscience. As for Emily... I realize with each passing day I did nothing for the poor girl. At least, nothing that could have made much a difference.

I mustn't lament so, I have people that are dependent on me, I cannot fail them now. Things with Isabelle are getting even worse than I could have imagined. In October she finally went public, by attacking the Wimbourne Wasps Quidditch stadium, and then having her and her followers at bay in the surrounding wood to attack the survivours. Anger is stirred up in the pit of my stomach at the mere thought, but it is covered mostly be heavy feelings of dread- I fear we shall have a war on our hands soon.

~Angel